We Get ‘One Chance’

This Memorial Day, driving home on the Maine Turnpike, I had my first stuck-in-traffic-with-three-kids-in-the-mini-van experience.

The scene was exactly what you’d picture:

So many car seats (I mean actually only three but three car seats feels like a lot!).

Sippy cups on sippy cups on sippy cups, all with mismatched tops.

Tired teddy bears draped over mosquito-bitten legs.

Graham cracker crumbs covering the floor.

The contents of my back pack strewn about when I unsuccessfully tried to find my travel pump.

Sigh.

I actually give Theo – our 7 month old – quite a bit of credit; he managed to stay awake for nearly three hours of the drive, laughing which turned into crying which turned into FEED ME NOW forcing us to make an unplanned stop.

Kid’s got determination!

At one point when we were crawling at a snail’s pace through the New Hampshire tolls, Ben looked back at me (yes, back – I had to climb into the back seat to peek-a-boo and hand hold) and said,

“You know, we get once chance at this.”

“Huh?” I answered back, thinking he meant merging into the left lane.

“At this whole thing. Parenting. Having kids this young. Life. One chance.”

Boom. Sucker punch to the deepest part of my belly. His remark gave me a lump in my throat and snatched my breath away all at the same moment.

And he’s right.

“I know it’s hard right now … this van, kids whining, stuck in traffic, people are hungry, but you know we’re going to look back and miss it,” he said, his eyes meeting mine in the rearview mirror.

And I know he’s right about that too.

I’m totally guilty of doggy-paddling my way through parenting. Not all the time, but sometimes. Do you know what I mean? It’s such a half-hearted way of swimming, especially when you know how to do the crawl. I’ll be thinking about work and what I need to do at the studio, probably responding to emails on my phone as my kids are playing. And I’m there, responding and playing too, but not as much as I could be. I could be diving in, immersing myself in excavators and dinosaurs and finger paints.

And then when I’m at the studio I’m undoubtedly thinking about home and whether Ben cooked the broccoli just the way the kids like it and wondering how long everyone’s naps turned out to be. I am working, but not as much as I could be. I could be scheduling out e-mails for the next 6 months and creating challenge calendars for the next challenge three months away and planning our next staff meeting.

I’ll actually have ONE CHANCE to play or work or whatever, but my chance will get watered down when I’m not totally present and focused.

Often in yoga class I’ll think, ok, I’ve got this one chance to do this posture. After this moment, that’s it for today. And yes I know I can come back the next day and try again, but for this class this day, there really is only this once chance. So why not give it all I’ve got?

It’s a simple phrase – ONE CHANCE – and it’s what I needed to hear today to help me re-set. I don’t want to look back on anything and think, I could have done better. If we really do only have once chance, why not seize it with everything we’ve got?!